These Words given by A Father That Helped Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - spending a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."